No Door? Make the F**king Door

Or on a more socially pleasant note, a favorite quote of mine:

“…make windows where there were once walls.” (Michel Foucault)

In the age of Global Network Society, some potent middle-finger action is available to us against the ‘ole “top-down” way of doing things. Space is collapsed thanks in part to communication technologies, and in my case, an invitation is made available to those that may or may not care to read what I have to say.

It has been a torn decision for someone like myself when considering the pursuit of certain endeavors such as this. I’m a real rebel at heart and a stubborn bitch. I simply don’t want to do things I don’t want to do. So for someone that wants to write, herein lies an opportunity to take advantage of doing what I want/saying what I want; however, I do have drastic tendencies towards privacy.

Is it worth trying to see if kindreds are out there and can dig what I have to say while I struggle to unveil myself? How much do I give to connect?

They say knowledge is power. Well, I’m obsessed with the concept of power. Or, maybe I’m obsessed with power. Either way, nowadays information is less controlled by industrial organizations and we are figuratively spoon-fed opportunities. So again, there’s the potential for the self-made entrepreneurs, the artist, or the whatever.

But the flip side with the e-lance world or jobs online is that you can become infinite, lost in the sea of competitors; more fish means less pay.
It’s all risk, baby.

I went to school to expand my brain. My intention was not to learn for some designated position. I went to realize my own potential intellectually & creatively. So now I’ve got the knowledge for those idea jobs, bae-b. All in all, it’s up to me to figure this out if I’m not going to yield. I will have to take the dive.

With risk also comes sacrifice. But what am I really sacrificing? Security? That also depends on what you consider security. If I learned anything, it’s words are arbitrary. It’s really about values. So what do I value then? Integrity for one. Courage. I value doing what I really want to do even if that goes against the norm. I ain’t scurred. Or maybe sometimes I am…

For the most part though, I try to tap into Joseph Campbell’s follow your bliss notion, believing in your internal voice. It is the compass that will guide your life. I remember reading him discussing that so many people work relentlessly to climb a ladder that they later discover is against the wrong wall. The thought makes me cringe, but there’s no need to fear if you follow your bliss. I already know what I want to do, so now it’s about taking the dive.

Making the sacrifice to live the life you want to live. How literal is this concept anyway? How do you even take the jump? I mean, where’s the plank? Supposedly, you have to start somewhere. So if I’m an artist, does that mean take it to the streets? Quit everything? Screw money!?

Where the hell do I start? Well, with the commitment. The commitment to myself that I’m only going to  do what I really want to do while authentically living out my values.

I want to take care of my family. I want to be great. I want to believe I can do what I want just as those that have done it as well. I know I’m a little nuts, but it isn’t idealism that holds me back. It’s fear of the unknown and this idea of security. My friend said to me, “I feel like if you just decide to go all the way with it, it will happen for you.” Besides, Campbell also made a great point that I’ve experienced time & time again-

On the floor is where you are most likely to find your treasure.  So, if you’re falling, dive. And yes, I realize this is some abstract shit I’m talkin’, but there are stars and a moon out there people– life is crazy shit!

Instinct has always worked for me before and what marvelous adventures have occurred. I am still young but I am certainly not getting younger. I’ve seen others encounter these questions throughout various stages in their lives. So, there’s the beauty I guess. Life is always evolving and you may meet similar questions again at some point later in life. You may have left an entire chapter behind to start anew & feel incredibly lost. The unknown can be frightening, but the internal voice remains if you listen to it. Never underestimate your ability to tap back in and transform your life. No matter where you’re coming from, you can go where you hope to.

So when you hit that wall & there’s no door, don’t think that you can’t make that fucking door!

If you’re in alliance with your values, it’s guaranteed you will prosper. It’s kind of like taking the high road, it’s always going to be in your best interest. So, if you stay true to yourself, you’ll always come out on top.

I realize that metaphorically looking at a blank canvas can be a bit, um, scary. I also realize that if I can’t see in the dark either, then perhaps I really don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, but…

I say it’s still time to paint, ya know? You’re responsible for your life. Who else is going to paint for you?

Besides, if I only get one brush, then you best believe this will be me — Shit, don’t touch my brush!


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