“I advise you to stop sharing your dreams with people who try to hold you back, even if they’re your parents. Because, if you’re the kind of person who senses there’s something out there for you beyond whatever it is you’re expected to do – if you want to be EXTRA-ordinary- you will not get there by hanging around a bunch of people who tell you you’re not extraordinary. Instead, you will probably become as ordinary as they expect you to be.” – Kelly Cutrone
My entire life has been a journey to silence the noise and listen to my heart. I grew up in the south of the U.S. and I never quite fit in. Very early on, there was always a script it seemed one was to follow—college, job, marry, kids—and, there ya have it.
I wanted to tell my own story, not the script of my peers, nor the script that my family wanted for me—my own. I grew up in a privileged, cookie cutter community. My mother actually worked, unlike many of the PTA cheer moms, because lo and behold, I came from a divorced family. Not only did she have a job, but it was the source of survival. Like many heroic mothers, her sacrifices were for education, amongst the other usuals.
Oh, and we didn’t go to church.
Now, as a young girl, I felt tremendous pressure to meet the mold. I had our family become members of a church (non-denominational, but still). I would drag us to church because I felt so inadequate when my friends would share that their seemingly perfect families—both mom and dad included—would religiously go every Sundee. There was also the time I delusionally (and quite insanely) fantasized over this immaculate house that I wished was ours, as if my poor mother that already struggled enough to keep the lights on could ever dare dream to afford. Did I mention I was in elementary school? Needless to say, I was constantly concerned about creating in comparison to what everyone else had.
It wasn’t until I reached high school that I began to steer away from the projections of my community and start to realize I could give a shit less about any of it. The destined rebel heart began to pop at the seams and set itself on big city lights as an escape route. However, the path to get there would never be in silence. When I finally made it to California, still so many back home had something to say about the way I chose to live my life. Interestingly, when I left California to travel the world, I experienced the same. Even amongst my California folks, I often receive similar blank stares and mumbles in response to me expressing adoration for my life here in México.
Fortunately, traveling the world taught me a lot about ignorance, a lot about figurative noise, and a lot more humility about just living life and learning to find peace from within.
Wounds from the past I still contend with from time to time, claro. But, my life changed when I decided to say, PEACE OUT to the script that was outside of my control, to start writing my new story. And, to live a life that I declared as meaningful, with nothing to prove to anyone else.
Today’s Wild Card pick is in alignment with the Full Moon Eclipse in Leo. It is from the Native Spirit Oracle deck:
This card asks you to be the hero of your journey. You get to decide the interpretation of your story. If the old script does not serve, write the new one. Don’t let others tell you how it is to be told or what it means for you. Validate yourself by following your heart.
Are you living someone else’s script? Is your script filled with the voices of what everyone wants from you?
It takes a lot of courage to strike out and live your truth.
The light of the full moon never fails to reveal. In the sign of Leo, it’s the perfect landscape to be the star of your own show.
Happy Full Moon!
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